The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
