girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
