and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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