The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
