my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
