Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
