im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
