I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
