How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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