Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
