You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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