her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
