just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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