cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We need to rekindle our bromance
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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