I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
