Are we in a gay sports bar?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
