I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
