Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can I color on your dick again?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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