you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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