Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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