just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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