umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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