clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
