were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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