Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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