I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
