I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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