In the future we'll all be gay
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
