Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
