I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
