Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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