Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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