My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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