last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
