wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
