her vagine was all disorganized.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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