"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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