Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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