By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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