you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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