I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
