I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
