I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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