Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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