Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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