His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
