You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
