I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize