New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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