Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
