I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
