Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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