know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
