As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
