Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
