Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just had sex bonerless
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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