I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
