i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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