im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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