dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
