Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
