hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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