My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
